P.S. I can't hear my feet
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
