I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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