No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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