Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
