You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize