Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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