Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
