Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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