don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
