I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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