I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
