i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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