at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
