she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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