If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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