ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
