My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Found your dick twin last night
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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