It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
