What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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