I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
