Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
