If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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