just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
