even my farts smell like vagina
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
