were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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