so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
