There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
