No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Randomize
