I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
