sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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