8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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