U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My bed smells like the plague
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
