please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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