So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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