there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
