I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
