dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
