Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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