Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
