he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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