I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
