just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
