I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
