i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
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She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
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She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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