He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Your cock deserves a montage
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
