You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
