hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
