1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I will die if light touches me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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