I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
