have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
