well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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