Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
