i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
