I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
jump out the window naked night went bad
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
