what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
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I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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