She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
