I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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