Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
