absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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