I hope mine doesn't look like that
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's blow job season.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
