I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
