Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
